2017-04-24

11 ways to get Ready for Rail


On April 19, the City of Ottawa launched a campaign called “Ready for Rail” to create awareness and excitement and equip customers with the information they need to be ready to take Light Rail Transit when it launches in 2018.
There is a website at www.octranspo.com/ready4rail with information about fares and routes, but will this really equip customers with the information they need? No it won’t.
You might already be thinking you’re ready. Your Presto card is loaded. You know where you’ll board and you know where you’ll disembark. But you are not ready.
Your days of riding OCTranspo buses have not prepared you for life on subway trains.
Here are ways to prepare yourself that the City and OCTranspo are not likely to alert you to:
  1. Wear attractive underwear in case you didn’t hear in advance that it is No pants day.
  2. Carry dance accessories for an unexpected rave.
  3. Get in running shape so you can beat the train between a pair of stops.
  4. Get comfortable with insects so you do not panic and pull the emergency brake when a performance artist releases a swarm of crickets to highlight the plight of the homeless.
  5. Prepare for zombies and other horrors because apparently zombies and possessed little girls like riding underground rail.  
  6. Carry a notebook to jot down books you want to read. You’ll want to keep up with the books other passengers are perusing.
  7. Take care of your libido at home. The new stations may seem like ideal spots for getting it on, but it is not a good idea to engage in full-on sex on the platform.
  8. Practise your pole work so you can elevate yourself if no seat is available or work up a routine to entertain other passengers and keep yourself fit.
  9. Carry spare change so you can help out the needy.
  10. Turn off the voice recognition on your smartphone in case someone yells “Hey Siri, text mom, I’m pregnant.”
  11. Most important - Learn how to use your phone so you can shoot a viral video.
[When you tweet this, don't forget to use hashtag #ready4rail]

2017-01-30

Ordinary people

2017-01-27

Kellyanne Conway as a role model for young women

2017-01-22

America rebranded

2016-12-11

The Greitch Who Stole Christmas -- a seasonal bed time tory

...with deepest apologies to Dr. Theodor Geisel, whom we trust would probably understand, given his views on Sneetches...

2016-11-10

2016-11-09

Oh, America. . .

...what the hell did you just do...?

2016-10-13

Trump's Lessons Learned -- October 2016

Update, October 21, 2016: Ackshully, scratch that thought. He has learned zip. And is unlikely to improve upon that scholastic record. . .

2016-08-18

...because it's worked so well, so far...